A presentation of AIT.
Hey, how you doing? Just having a little chess game, but we
ought to be through pretty quick. I think I've got Mark here on the run.
Check And mate.
I don't get it. You look so worried. I just wanted you to think I was
worried. So that's why you were frowning and hunched over. Pretty good, huh?
Very sneaky. My turn to play.
Watch out for this guy. He's easy to misunderstand. His body and voice says
one thing, but he means something else. I know. Man, was I
confused. I gave you a mixed message. It messes with your
mind. It's all part of my strategy, and it's a good one if
you're playing chess or go fish. You want to work on the computer?
Maybe later. Well, like, when, when I'm
done, forget it, man. It's your
buddy. What's the matter? You're supposed to
be my best friend. I am your best friend. Best friends don't just sit there
and not even look at you when you're talking to them. I was playing lately.
You've always been doing something. Will you guys hold it? Thank you,
Felicia. No problem. OK, now what's this all about? No, hold it.
You can't communicate with both of you talking at the same time.
OK, Mark, why don't you try doing some listening? Go ahead, Jamal. Every time I
talk to this guy lately, it's the same thing. He says we're still best
friends, but he shouldn't act like it. I don't get it. What do you mean he doesn't
act like it? I don't know. I'm confused. I don't blame you. He's pulling that
mixed message thing, same way he does when he's playing chess. What are you
talking about? I'll show you. Come on.
Kea, you be Mark and I'll be Jamal, OK.
Hey, wanna hit the computer? Sure, later, man.
I did that. You didn't even look at me like I didn't exist. I guess
that wasn't very friendly, but I did say I was your best friend.
Not exactly. Go Felicia. I thought you were my best
friend. I am your best friend. I yelled.
Can you see why Jamal might have been confused? I guess I was pretty
confusing. I didn't mean to be, not like when you and I were playing
chess. Well, I'm sure that's true, but it's hard to communicate when the message is
misunderstood. And misunderstandings can happen for lots of reasons even
if you don't mean them to, for example, what if what you say
and how you say it don't match?
Jesus, stop. I mean it, stop it. I said
stop. Or what if a listener
only hears the words but doesn't pay attention to what a friend's body is
saying? So do you want to go to the party with me or
not? Well, I don't know.
Sure, I guess so. Great.
I really don't wanna go.
Sometimes a listener can be bothered by noise or some other
commotion. Mhm. So anyway, I
bumped into her by accident, not on purpose, and she called me a
big. Isn't that mean? Mark,
Mark, hm?
Or sometimes there's a misunderstanding just because
people don't take enough time. To listen
OK, tell me how to get there, but hurry, I've got to get home. OK,
first you go down the concourse and then get to the newsstand, you know the one, yeah,
yeah. Then turn left and go down 2 blocks and then turn
right, OK, got it.
How did you get there again? The thing
is, no matter what causes a misunderstanding, the result
is the same. You feel confused and being confused doesn't
feel very good. How does it feel, Jamal? Well, like with Mark and the chess game,
I felt awkward and embarrassed and like, you
know, just like wanting to get away. How do you feel when you're
confused? When I'm
confused. I can't think straight.
Being confused makes me frustrated.
When I'm confused, I feel stupid. If
I'm confused, I feel like it's the other person's fault, and I don't want to be
with them. Is that kind of
how you were feeling, Jamal? Like it was Mark's fault?
But maybe it was my fault too. How do you figure that?
I didn't take time to figure out what you really meant. It's not your fault. Hang
on a second, Mark. Jamal may have a point. Communication is a two-way street.
People understand each other best when they both explain themselves clearly.
And listen carefully. You know who's really good at that? My aunt.
Oh, tell us about it. Like the other day when I came home really
upset because my older sister won't let me go to the movies with her and her
friends.
Felicia, what's the matter? Talk to me. Oh, it's Ellen, Candace and
Yolanda. They're so mean. Oh,
you seem really upset. Tell me the whole story. My
aunt always makes time for me and lets me know that how I feel is important to
her. When we talk, she's not always looking at her watch or acting like
she's got better things to do. I can see how that would hurt your feelings, so then
what did you say? She doesn't judge me or put me down. She
makes me feel good about myself. they were laughing at me.
You know, it doesn't sound to me like they were trying to be mean to you. I
think maybe they just wanted some time to themselves. You think so, really? Mhm.
Well, I guess I can understand that. Hey, you wanna go
to the movies? Sure, but first, let me finish putting this lamp back
together, OK. I guess you could say
my aunt's a good listener. Sounds like it. She paid attention to what your body
was saying and not just your words.
Felicia, sweetie, what's the matter? Talk to me.
She understood your feelings. I can see how that would
hurt your feelings. She
paid close attention to what you were saying. You
seem really upset. Tell me the whole story.
She asked you questions. So
then what did you say? Yeah, Felicia, I'd say your
aunt has great listening skills. But
what does that have to do with confusion? Well, the more you
listen. The more you understand and the more you understand the less
confused you are remember the different kinds of misunderstandings
we talked about before? Well, what if we used your aunt's listening
skills on them? Can
just stop it. I mean it stop. Kea, I
said stop. What's the problem, Felicia? I couldn't help from laughing,
but I don't like being tickled. No problem. I'll stop it.
Communicating is easier when you try to understand what the other
person is feeling. Let's try again.
So you wanna go to the party with me or not? Well,
I don't know. I guess so.
great, but I don't really wanna go. Well,
you do look kind of uncomfortable. That's OK, we don't have to go.
Thanks See what happens when
you pay attention not just to a person's words but to what their body
is saying. Let's try another one.
So anyway, I to her by accident, not on purpose,
and she called me a big. Isn't that mean?
Mark? Mark, hm, I'm
sorry, Kezia, I couldn't hear. Do you wanna go over your words quieter?
I love this. No
question, understandings a lot easier when you pay attention to what
is said and when you ask questions to make sure that you
do understand. OK, tell me how to get there, but hurry,
I've got to get home. OK, you go down the concourse to the newsstand,
you know which one, yeah, yeah. Then turn left and go down 2
blocks, then right, OK, got it.
How do I get there again? I'm sorry, Jamal, I wasn't
listening. Where do I go after I hit the concourse? The newsstand.
Thanks. See what I mean?
Listening skills used effectively can really cut down on those pesky
misunderstandings, and the fewer misunderstandings you have, the
less confused you're going to be. So you've got to be a good listener,
but you also got to explain yourself clearly, right, because communication is
a two way street.
You
surprising.
Yeah.
Would
Did
Yes
It's annoying.
Yeah.
distinctly what someone meant.
But in spite
Yeah Words are like
Yeah
Words are like. What did he
say? What did I?
That's the idea, guys.
So Jamal, tell me, are we all straightened out?
Oh yes, except for one thing.
Talk to me. Tell me all about it.
Chess. Mhm.
Now what does this little horsey do again? Well, it moves in